An Apology/X-Factor

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Dear Judges,

I just wanted to say that, although it was very nice to meet you all last weekend at the Sydney Arena, I don’t think my time on stage turned out the way any of us would have wanted. I’m not sure how much you know of what goes no behind the scenes of X-Factor, but I normally sing ballads, love songs and easy listening. I have 3 or 4 paid gigs a month in bars near me (although you’re probably not in much of a position to believe that).
There were 2 preceding rounds of auditions before that day at the arena, when I sang Under The Bridge and Your Song, which went down very well. I got the call for this last audition 2 days in advance, and they wanted me to sing Boogie Wonderland or Le Freak, or anything flamboyant. I told the coordinators that that’s not what I’m suited to, but they wouldn’t have it any other way. The only song that they would let me do that I had any kind of lyrical familiarity with was Need You Tonight, so it was either that, or nothing at all. It’s not a song that really allows much for vocal expression, or ability, so I was told to emphasise the energy and intensity of it.
I’m nothing if not honest, and I do guarantee that this is true. As I was walking onto the stage, the coordinators stressed to me again, not to say anything about the fact that THEY chose the song. They will probably deny this to their grave, but it would make no sense for me to break away from the melodies that I’m paid to sing to something as raw and sexual as Need You Tonight, which I’ve only ever done as a karaoke party piece.

My sincerest apologies to you all, as I think we all found it regrettable. I seldom record myself, but I would much have preferred you to see and hear this:


Mr Keating: I saw a lot wrong with it, but had no option, really. The sexual energy and flamboyance were what were demanded of me, and I can completely see why you may have found it unsettling. In spite of that, I assure you that I am a gentleman, as are repeatedly testified by my patients and colleagues. If you were in the emergency ward on my shift, you would be in very good hands, as I became a doctor because I care about people, and that will never change.
Having said that, I am also a qualified actor, and can pretty easily assume any persona required of me, even that of a depraved desperado.

To more fully answer your enquiries about my salsa, as well as teaching, I’ve done a few national and one international competition at amateur level, and normally get a podium place.

Ms Bassingthwaighte: I’m glad you could at least see the cheesy side of it. I am good at that, at least. And yes- I do kick off at parties and at karaoke. However, if you were to ask me to show a talent, this wouldn’t even be in my top 10 of things to do.

Mr Sebastian: I liked your diplomatic expression of opinion. You seem like a very nice guy. Too much intensity: I completely get it, but again, I felt like my hands were tied.

Mrs B: I get you, too: the cheese factor was probably the only good thing I could find positive to say about it. And if that doesn’t appeal to you, then that’s very understandable. I did mean what I said about you being my favourite Spice Girl. I wasn’t saying it simply because you were sitting in front of me. I wasn’t even saying it because I think you’re the most attractive: you always gave the best interviews because you have humour and intellect: things that I value greatly in a woman. You have them in abundance.

It was nice to meet you all, and I hope you have a great time doing the show.

I live in Manly in North Sydney, a nice area. If you were ever to find yourself there, and I’m not on shift, I sing at the 4Pines and Sugar Lounge. You would all be more than welcome there.

Even aside from that, if any of you need a prescription for anything, I am more than happy to oblige.